Doors

By Qurat Dar

They make doors bigger there.
Past the gate, there are bolts
On everything,
It stands tall, set in a stone wall
Because houses there don’t hold the heat, don’t hold
The people,
And behind it, a screen door with more bolts,
One after the other, like an alligator’s eyelids,
You have to catch it before it
Swings away from you,
Out into the dark, nights are blacker there,
And thrumming with things
You don’t want inside.
I’ve seen my grandfather opening that door,
Once every handful of years,
When we could afford it,
Each time a little slower, a little smaller,
He brought us chocolates the last time (imported, maybe even from
Here);
He’s diabetic.
I try not to think about
How many entrances I have left,
Or which exit might be the last,
Exits always bring tears,
Even while you’re in the throes
Of some fever dream
That makes you shake, even though you’re young,
And pray to a god who has a habit
Of showing up there.
 
No, I would rather
Think about how many generations
Have passed through that door,
Whether on their own feet
Or in someone’s arms,
Catching the screen before it swings,
How many faces, and names that are
Barely faces,
And to how many
I am not even a face.
Or how I managed to lose count
Of how many times I undid the bolts and stepped inside,
And how many times I didn’t catch the screen,
And it banged against the wall,
Startling birds I didn’t recognize.
 
They make doors bigger there.

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Apples

By Qurat Dar

An orchard gives a man
Far too many options to
Hang himself,
All the trees in neat rows,
Patriarchs standing in line
Because apples can’t grow legs and
Run off somewhere else,
Because by the time they want to
They have become rooted to the ground,
Living knots fixing them in place,
And grow to be the very titans
They feared as a sapling.
 
He raises his tiny voice, tiny blows
​That glance off me.
I try not to notice the resemblance.

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Qurat Dar is an engineering student at the University of Guelph, an avid environmentalist, and an emerging author. She has poetry forthcoming in The Evansville Review and Tenth Street Miscellany, and recently placed second in Ink Movement Mississauga's Annual Poetry Slam. Qurat has also received a number of awards for her environmental work, including the Lieutenant Governor’s Ontario Heritage Award for Youth Achievement and being named one of Canada’s Top 25 Environmentalists Under 25 by The Starfish in 2016. She hopes to use her works to represent the South Asian community and to share her experiences as a Pakistani-Canadian. Find her on Twitter: @DQur4t.