halcyon-shmalcyonBy Nicholas Alti
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I’d rather have heard// my parents fucking/ than fucking/ hating each other//
don’t confuse my empty/ empty head// what? Oh you are cracking heads/ against goodbye// I tired of leaving// & left/ now frowning I’m down on myself downing downers down down/ down/ .// like// whatever I’m full of/ shit// need god’s wet/ creamy kiss/ need long break// long joint// THC C&P etc./ topical cream for my breaking joints/ fuck my fucking parents fucking// hating everything especially me themselves us/ I’m down bad// bad luck/ go away/ I can’t// I’d love to // sounds like/ haunted house/ goddamn house/ could only haunted this house be// I’d pay in souls for distractions// who said what about// damnation on sale I’m oh no// I’m uh oh & ha ha sorry/ sorry about the perennial worsening of Earth// i i i didn’t mean it// i i i didn’t get to say goodbye last time// I just left// & I’m waiting until the inglorious litany of my weepy embers smothering transpires/ my light goes out imma goner// imma gonna quadruple the amount of// switchblades I gorge on/ I’m going on a bender of fever dreams & makeshift Quaaludes// tell the doctor fuck doctors/ tell doc I’m fucked/ someone teach me peace/ i i i don’t want to destroy anymore [ Melting Place]By Nicholas Alti
I somehow remembered to take edibles before this high /
school Little Shop of Horrors production / for better or worse / for worse never stops me [ I am mostly blunt ash [ I am neither consistent & chunks of meat ] nor sentient ] I’m either under extreme toxicity / hallucinating / certainly horribly wrong / or this gigantic plant has an insatiable thirst for blood / wants me raw / undone [ it isn’t 1986 but I’ll still take ecstasy [ I hope my soul by deity or vortex & fuck to Depeche Mode ] can be sucked intimate out of my neck ] It looks like everyone is partially melted / it’s likely the last evening of existence [ I’m having flashbacks of an overdose [ it isn’t 1986 but I’ll still snort morphine pills near a small bird’s intricate nest ] & nod off to Echo & The Bunnymen ] Feed me to anything carnivorous that tells me I’m worthy of loving / I will never learn my lesson [ watch out for green tornado skies [ beware of the ceiling falling upon you beware of approaching angels ] while you’re dreamless & nodded off ] Minimalism is one way to describe the stage design / there is a wall & a trash can / this theater is serving unfunded art program realness / lazy graffiti / wounded aesthetic [ they do not tell me that an apocalypse [ they leave my shriveled heart powerless can occur without my permission ] headaches, malaise, dread the very heavens ] It is the final song of this production / I find it the absolute pinnacle of art / as a matter of fact / how might I be masticated / regurgitated a small blood-slick fawn [ I am told turbulence is a product [ I am told tornadoes are spiraling angels of hot & then cold ] railing lines of Earth for euphoria & finally in this mythos I claim myself consecrated ] Autobiography of Garbage Monsterin Milk UniverseBy Nicholas Alti
There’s moonlight in my orbital socket / / / it glows like it anticipates dark
hoping for a cure against hurt I absinthe rinse / / / garnish careful flesh with bramble sadly it’s raining inside my body again / / / I must put on wooden wings / / / inside me monsoons ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I’ve made an ammonite bust//of the head I wish was mine//often I rotate it//pretending to behead myself//like removing the cap on a milk jug//so I could put my head in a nest under a comfortable, warm bird// ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I’ve stabbed a milk jug & now jam my tongue in it//forever//for if the ether spills out where will the monstrosities bathe//I’m in a state of continuous convalescence//all this eternity I’ve hated milk//hated milk intensely// ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I just enjoy pictures of turtles or blood or lightning in bathtubs full of milk//I’m perishing in a thick creamy universe of disgusting self- inflicted milk!//I can’t stop thinking about how because auroras are in my mouth//owls crawl inside of me ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I wrote a spell on a tiny piece of paper but spelled it horribly wrong I meant to say let me not suffer yet wrote let me suffer in knots so here I am as slow-motion catastrophe as before only now in a tangled heap I turned a tiny piece of paper into a spell but folded it horribly wrong I meant to fold it into a star formation that would let me know god loves me but instead folded it into a trashcan & fell inside I created a star constellation out of garbage & then threw it away like spoiled milk or a compassionate note to self written when I was glimmering meridian instead of typical trashcan naked & bereft of feathers—I was coterminous w/ ghost sighs—transmogrified into failing body ‘Take carrot-sap, and inhale it through the nose, and your aching head will be cured at once.’ Spell: ‘To Cure the Headache.’ Grimoire: Secrets of Albertus Magnus I hear the fish divine from heaven definite ache the day away orbit an egg crack open your daylight I say heat it in a spoon for ephemeral euphoria inject some trendy apathy pop a couple philosopher’s stones go ahead & get comfortable kiss me in watercolor melt me on paper a slow creek chunks of meat diluted hues from this low altitude I see clearly, dirt let me be fish god swim scared into dirt the lord in a vellum casket the lord ain’t no goddamn jack rabbit good god is & always was a fish, a rabbit, an excuse pray instead to a swarm of constellations composed of horned fish & watch like hares the quasars leap further from you put tongues in my wide open portcullis fill tender with laudanum my pores I am a goddamn fish for your prayers to jackrabbit & fish I offer you my comical alchemy which turns quiet nerves into summer lightning etiolated darling w/indented head & vacant bodyBy Nicholas Alti
at the café for failures & opiate sluts – which I frequent often – god in an unbuttoned flannel –
atomic pink scorpion tattooed on its hand – offered me brimstone helldeath – said I god am your arsonist barista – injector of fire – I said thanks god – I’m lightning rider I ride storms into disappointment – make everything unhappy wet – gave me a venti but only charged for a grande – god likes the bulge my trousers cradle – god wants me geeked up for the taking u can’t just fuck god for the clout my friends say u can’t just fuck up always either my friends add we actually don’t like u, fuck off but I sell u all drugs ? hey r u still selling Xanax glittering the body backs out from the soul – the empty space left for carnivores to move through at the tooth’s leisure i once when there was a yellow sink i tried to die & might have can I squirm in glee for me can I like lullaby hum thornless sleep | I weep for you vertical | I want god & wind dead | is ubiquitous grin smile upon me joy derivatives if I mainline neon am I vascular happy lightning incarnate you can imagine how thick the red extrapolation on pastel yellow my blood club celestial you’ll say that wanting body glows From the depths of the rural Midwest, Nicholas Alti is an optimistic depressive with trigeminal neuralgia, poor timing, and a long criminal history. He enjoys all things nebulous, anomalous, or otherwise bizarre. Recent yowls have found homes at Puerto del Sol, PULP Literature, Trailer Park Quarterly, grimoire, and Really System. You can see more of him on Instagram: @klonopin_stagram.
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