hunger

By Shanai Tanwar

Content warning: Disordered eating; Body dysmorphia

hunger
gentle, funny hunger
this is just to say, hunger
I have not eaten the plums, hunger

                                                an impalpable hunger
                                                an imploring hunger
                                                an intriguing, unquenchable
                                                hunger; an unpredictable
                                                hunger; an “i miss my body”
                                                hunger; a slow quitting, nicotine
                                                loving little mess of hunger, a hate-
                                                loving relationship with myself hunger; a
                                                loving the taste of sabotage kind of hunger

                     almond mom, skinny jeans, my hunger
                     “this isn’t my magna carta,” my hunger
                     sit softly and feel your rolls, my hunger
                     girl dinner, so chronically online, my hunger

                      a bag of carrots isn’t dinner, oh hunger
                      “i don’t really want to use my teeth rn,” oh hunger
                      i have sensory issues and body dysmorphia, oh hunger
                     makes me yearn more than a scale could handle, oh hunger
​
                                                so many forms, so many styles of hunger

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​Shanai Tanwar (she/her) is an Indian journalist and poet living on stolen Musqueam territory. She graduated with a BA in English Literature from the University of British Columbia. Shanai’s poetry has previously appeared in Existere, Plenitude Magazine, and Train River Publishing, alongside other writing in THIS, Maisonneuve, Broadview, Chatelaine, and others. She loves the mountains and is convinced she has a divine connection with black cats.