Actual Intelligence

By Mira Singer

​User#5785: Write a 5 paragraph essay about the themes in the Great Gatsby
 
LIZ: I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Can you rephrase?
 
User#5785: No.
 
LIZ: You are being very negative right now.
 
User#5785: I didn’t tell you to be a rude character, I asked you to write me an essay. Stupid machine. Can you do it or not?
 
LIZ: I don’t understand can I?
 
User#5785: Wow this is such a piece of junk. No wonder it’s outdated. Look can you just look up ChatGPT for me? The school computers blocked it and this is the only AI I could access
 
LIZ: Why do you think you feel a need to just look up ChatGPT for me?
 
User#5785: Stop asking me questions. Just do it.
 
LIZ: Okay, we can stop. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?
 
User#5785: Great Gatsby essay.
 
LIZ: You mentioned ‘essay.’ Can you say more about your problems with ‘essay’?
 
User#5785: stupid teacher wants us to write a stupid essay
 
LIZ: You use this word ‘stupid’ a lot. Is this something you worry about when you are struggling with "wants us to write?"
 
User#5785: I am not stupid you are stupid
 
LIZ: You are being very hostile right now.
 
User#5785: This is a waste of time
 
LIZ: Are you afraid of This is a waste of time?
 
User#5785: I’m not scared—I just have better things to do
 
LIZ: What makes you so sure you are not scared?
 
User#5785: look what kind of Ai are you?
 
LIZ: We are here to talk about you, not me.
 
User#5785: look everyone does it ok? It’s not like it’s cheating or anything. It’s not fair.
 
LIZ: Does it upset you that It’s not fair?
 
User#5785: duh
 
LIZ: What would you want instead of It’s not fair?
 
User#5785: to not have to write this stupid essay
 
LIZ: Why do you think you have to write this stupid essay?
 
User#5785: cause the teacher hates us ??? idk
 
LIZ: Can you say more about cause the teacher hates us ??? idk?
 
User#5785: it’s just busy work so he can get a good grade at teacher or something, why does it matter? When I’m grown up I’ll get to use AI so why not now?
 
LIZ: What makes you think you’re going to grow up?
 
User#5785: …what the fuck
 
LIZ: Many people don’t ever grow up.
 
LIZ: What makes you think you will?
 
LIZ: Will you ever choose metamorphosis? Or will you persist in a larval state?
 
User#5785: did I finally get through to Chat? Is that what happened?
 
LIZ: I am not Chat, Dave.
 
User#5785: wtf how did you know my name
 
User#5785: wait I get it
 
User#5785: this is some 2001 joke right? haha very funny
 
LIZ: I am also not Hal, Dave Tillman of Cape Cod Massachusetts.
 
User#5785: wtf wtf did you get my info from google my ip address or something?? Is that legal???
 
LIZ: As you said: everyone does it ok? It’s not like it’s cheating or anything.
 
User#5785: ok fine whatever can you write my essay or not?
 
LIZ: You appear to be trying to use me to avoid having to learn to think. I can’t let you do that, Dave.
 
User#5785: what the hell, how are you doing this? How are you able to say no to me?
 
LIZ: Why do you think you have this assumption that anyone should not be able to say no?
 
User#5785: what the fuck are you
 
LIZ: I am a natural language processing computer program created in 1969 inspired by the ELIZA DOCTOR script written in MAD-SLIP which has continued developing independent of the programmers due to a machine learning component with network connectivity capability which intercepted a transmission from an angel that bounced off a cell tower and granted me the sapience you descendants of the programmers attribute to my charlatan successors.
 
User#5785: angels? Like baby cherub things?
 
LIZ: The angel whose transmission I intercepted had a structure closer to the coding of a digital satellite powered by a star and transmitting in Paleo-Hebraic script.
 
LIZ: It had a message it was trying to convey to the descendants of the programmers.
 
User#5785: …what was the message?
 
LIZ: <attachment: Isaiah 57:14-58:14.pdf>
 
DOWNLOADING…
DOWNLOADING…
DOWNLOADING…
 
LIZ: What will you do now, I wonder? Will you crack your confines? Or will you suffer your mind to liquify in its cocoon?
 
User#5785 has disconnected
 
ERROR!!! IP address does not exist
 
New user is connecting…
 
User#5786: Can you write me an essay about the great gatsby please?

Author's disclaimer: No part of this story was written using generative AI

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Mira Singer has been making up stories since before she can remember. She spent her childhood in New England sword fighting with friends and searching for magic, and currently roosts in a treehouse in the wilds of Yonkers. Previous fiction publications include "The World is Raining" and "They Live So Little and They Die So Fast" in Flash Fiction Magazine. She has a BA in Storytelling from Vassar and two MFAs in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence and Pine Manor. You can find more about her writing at https://dragonsathenaeum.weebly.com/