the work

By breton lalama

it is a Saturday in April and i am standing in the bathtub peeing on my feet for strangers on the screen. “Squat lower...” “Stand up now…” “Oh yeah…” “That’s great…” the tips fly in emoji coins ascend like christian stories and disappear in the heavens of the website header oiled tits and veiny cocks. and then there’s me at 4pm amazed at just how much a human body takes at just how much a body becomes a sport a prop for enough coins (and just how small becomes enough). the green bar leaps to satisfaction and then beyond and then beyond and in an Indiana basement a man’s in love with what he thinks he owns. “I want to buy your hormones.” “Lie down so I am in our bed.” my phone now manic—another man barely a man all “babe” and “love” and “need”. i watch his lust and don’t respond. bare witness. bear witness (feel something) costing money. it is a Sunday now in April and I am standing in my body like a hiker on a trail trying to see which way is north distracted by the way the leaves cut sighs against the too blue sky.

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breton lalama is a writer, performer, filmmaker, and sex worker. his work has been published and shown internationally. he's the proud co-founder of the spindle films foundation and sits on the pink triangle press advisory council. none of this means he has any idea what he's doing. @bretonlikethecrackers